Give me a call.

Right before Matt Dillion gets in a shoot out, the phone rings, everyday.

“No, she’s not here.”  The call is never for me,  so why do I answer?  Of course, that’s only one out of 6 calls.  The rest are from folks trying to sell me a warranty on my 15 year old truck or wanting me to change my Plan B Healthcare.  Wait…be right back.  Okay, it was just the guy from Policeman’s Benevolent Association with a gruffy voice wanting donations.  I told him was busy, he said he will call back later.  I can’t tell you how much I’m looking forward to that.

Thank the Lord for caller I.D.  The numbers for incoming calls show up on our television screen.

They’re getting good now, trying to sneak calls in, they will use numbers  from the neighbor hood.  You know, the same prefix numbers as yours.  That’s so, even though you don’t recognize the number, you impulsively think that it must be a neighbor or one of your kids is at a neighbor’s house, calling you for something important.

Wrong, It’s a guy telling me that their has been some unusual activity on my credit card.  Before he can divulge any more information, he wants me to give him my full name, address and credit card number.

I’m thinking, “Hey, you called me,” and hang up.

It’s a good thing the western channel shows Matt Dillion on a loop or else I’d never get to see a shoot out.

The phone isn’t for me.  I don’t use it.  When I’m alone, most of the time I just let the recorder take care of everything.  I don’t know what buttons to push, to play the messages back, but that’s okay.  At least I got the message.

It gets pretty bad sometimes.  I’d pull my hair out, if I had any left.  I even tried to call the suicide prevention hotline, I was ready to end it all.  A guy with an Eastern accent, Pakistani I think, answered the phone.  He asked me what was wrong.  I told him that I am sick of getting unwanted phone calls.  I just want it to stop.  I was thinking about killing myself.  He said, “Good, can you drive a truck?”

I always wondered who lists their phone listing as “Anonymous?”  You know I ain’t answer that contraption if “Unknown,” pops up.  Sometimes they’ll juggle the caller’s names around, thinking you’ll respond.  “Unlisted, Private,  SSA, School Board”  Yeah right.  A Process server would be proud of their efforts to get through.

My wife just said that my sister called.  They are having a big cook out and want us to come.  I said, “Oh great, let’s go.  When is it?”  She said, “Last Saturday.”

Well, let me get back to Matt Dillion.  It’s almost time for another shoot out.


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